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NEWSWIRE: Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Metro Detroit Market: Birmingham Barbie: This Princess Barbie is only sold at Somerset North Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a longhaired foreign dog named "Princess", and an over-priced house. Available with or without a tummy tuck and face-lift. Therapist Ken available. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with augment version. Fantasy Ken sold separately during the afternoons at local motels. Toys and accessories sold at Adult bookstores. Novi Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. Her vehicle will not move unless there are no objects in front of the vehicle for 100 yards, causing traffic jams. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit in plus sizes only. West Bloomfield Barbie: Has freshness date on package. Do not buy after that date or product may be spoiled rotten. Comes with no Appreciation on how the "other" 95% live. Does not have career or an idea of what makes her happy. When bought in conjunction with Hard Working Ken she will change her appearance.....will gain 75 lbs., will cut her hair, will become an avid church-goer, and belittle anyone who crosses her. No one including Ken is right, ever. Ken's head melts after 17 years. Westland Barbie: This model is only available at the JC Penney Catalog Store or at any parochial school bazaar. It cannot be purchased on Saturday night because of Trivia nights) and Sundays (Sunday school picnics). It Comes with a case of Strohs Beer, pork steaks, a recipe for Hash Brown Casserole, a 1987 Plymouth Voyager and one cell phone (circa 1982, big as a toaster) for the whole family with 15 anytime minutes. She is wearing the latest fashion from Target that she wore on Easter Sunday. It also comes with Ken wearing the latest U-M T-shirt two sizes too small), a sack of White Castles and a 72 ounce Big Gulp. Detroit Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun,a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This Barbie also comes with 6 children by four different Kens. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash--preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about! Rochester Hills Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with a choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2.0 Included is her Starbucks cup, credit cards and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway. This edition is available in Naples, FL, but only during spring break. Taylor Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler Jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick mullet-haired Kenny doll's a** when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free. Comes with Personal concealed gun license. Ann Arbor Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and arch-less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup, doesn't shave and has a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She thinks Wellstone was a republican. Wyandotte Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Taylor Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Ford pickup. Fraser Barbie: This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was Released in 1982. She comes with shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white Pantyhose and a bad haircut.
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2003-12-11 |
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