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abwhite
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haven't had contact with my grandmother since I was 20. I moved around quite a bit and let myself lose touch. When I was ten, my father decided that he didn't want to be a parent anymore and took a powder. His family had maintained contact with him and, as I grew into adulthood, I became resentful. A little over four years ago, my Aunt tracked me down and asked me to call Grandma. I didn't know how to deal with the awkwardness of my prolonged absence, so I never called her. Every now and then, I google my father's name to see where he is and what he may be up to. This is how I found out he'd been married for a little under a year in '84 and '85. It is also how I found out that he'd been the president of a Laser company in Long Beach, but demoted when they were bought out. I've never used any of the information I've gathered to contact him, as I've always felt that it was his place to make contact. Not mine. Besides, what do I say to the man? "Send money, fuckwit?" Today, on a whim, I googled my grandmother's name and found out that she'd died May 8th of this year. I don't know how she died, or even if she'd suffered. Only that she died and was cremated. I really don't know what to feel here. More than a little guilty. Sorry she never got to hear about my husband. Pissed off that Bill Schorer didn't contact me even to inform me of her death. On a side note, I sent Bill Schorer a very short email on the subject. I wonder if he'll respond. Half of me dreads the thought while the other will be angry if he doesn't. Only time will tell
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2004-08-02 |
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